“The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” Jean Giraudoux

“Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we are going to do anyway.” Isabelle Holland

“Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like.” Mark Twain

“I can resist everything except temptation.” Oscar Wilde

“An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity: a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.”

“A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That’s basic spelling that every woman ought to know.” Mistinguett

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” Bob Hope

“It’s good to have some friends both in Heaven and in Hell.” George Herbert

“My true friends have always given me that supreme proof of devotion, a spontaneous aversion for the man I loved.” Colette

“I want everyone else I meet in the whole world to like me, except the people I’ve already met, handled, found inconsequential and forgot about.” Joseph Heller

"The fate of the free world is in the hands of a bunch of hustlers and thieves."
--"Why should tonight be any different?"

from the movie "XXX"

“Visit a school and swing on the swing set.”

“Try to look graceful putting on a sports bra.”

“Try to figure out what makes non-fat cheese taste so bad.”

“Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I haven’t tried yet.”

“When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about and that was the beginning of fairies.” J.M. Barrie

“Start making up excuses now for not flossing.”

“Remember this: When somebody is down there kissin’ your butt, they could easily be biting it too.”

“Keep your bullshit detector in good working order.”

“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” Erma Bombeck